With Age comes...........

chuckle for the day

somedays I agree with this

It is Time!!!!

How do you know when it is time to

"hang up the car keys"?

I say when your dog has this look on his face!

A picture is worth a thousand words!

Best Password ever

Where is my Sunday Paper

No Sunday Paper:
This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors, to all of you who know seniors, and to all of you who will become seniors.

"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!"
The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.
"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, ...
..."Well, shoot, that explains why no one was at church either

Text abbreviations for the older crowd

About growing older

Walk with me by the water, worth the read...

A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLDER:

Darn it
I forgot the words....

Joke for the week

Hospital regulations
require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY‏, ;o)

THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY!

We Must Stop This Immediately !  

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. 

Groceries are heavier. 

And, everything is farther away.

Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long   our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones.  They speak in whispers all the time!  If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face!  What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age.  On the other hand, people my own age are so mucholder than I am.  I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection. Well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives sofast these days!  You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.  All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days.  Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20?  Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank.  Do they think I actually 'believe' the number I see on that dial?  HA!  I would never let myself weigh that much!  Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small   type that no one could ever find a number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning: 

WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!

Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.
 
PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts - they are smaller than they once were.

Senior Texting Codes

Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code).
ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil

This is when you know it is time to retire

What's in a name?

39 & holding lol

Questions and Answers from AARP Forum

From the American Association Of Retired People

Questions and Answers from AARP Forum

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy
women who are interested
in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under fiction.


Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through
menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement..
When you're done you'll have a
place to live.


Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true?
Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass
all the way to Egypt ..."


Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.


Q: How can you avoid that
terrible curse of the elderly
wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.


Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.


Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car..


Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.


Q: As people age, do they sleep More soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.


Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.


Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"


SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor, RIGHT?

Golden Years

Aah, the Golden Years!

SPECIAL POEM FOR OLDER FOLKS

A row of bottles on my shelf

Caused me to analyze myself.

One yellow pill I have to pop

Goes to my heart so it won't stop.

A little white one that I take

Goes to my hands so they won't shake.

The blue ones that I use a lot

Tell me I'm happy when I'm not..

The purple pill goes to my brain

And tells me that I have no pain.

The capsules tell me not to wheeze

Or cough or choke or even sneeze..

The red ones, smallest of them all

Go to my blood so I won't fall.

The orange ones, very big and bright

Prevent my leg cramps in the night.

Such an array of brilliant pills

Helping to cure all kinds of ills..

But what I'd really like to know...........

Is what tells each one where to go!

LAUGH A LITTLE EVERY DAY....

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example

I am sitting here right now thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

New Wine for Seniors

There are many "pinot" wines on the market: Pinot Noir, Pinot Blanc and Pinot Grigio are but a few.

There is also marketing research on a product for senior citizens from a new hybrid grape that acts as a diuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older man has to make to the bathroom during the night.


They will be marketing the new wine as .... Pinot More.

Retirement?

Lesson one learns

All I need to know .......

I learned from the Easter Bunny!

Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.

There's no such thing as too much candy.

All work and no play can make you a basket case.

A cute tail attracts a lot of attention.

Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.

Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.

Some body parts should be floppy.

Keep your paws off of other people's jelly beans.

Good things come in small, sugar coated packages.

The grass is always greener in someone else's basket.

To show your true colors, you have to come out of the shell.

The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.

May the joy of the season fill your heart.

Happy Easter!

Growlin old

Observations on Growing Older

~Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them
...but your grandchildren are perfect!

~Going out is good.
Coming home is better!

~When people say you look "Great"...
they add "for your age!"

~When you needed the discount you paid full price.
Now you get discounts on everything ...
movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.

~You forget names ... but it's OK
because other people forgot
they even knew you!!!

~The 5 pounds you wanted to lose
is now 15 and you have a better chance
of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.

~You realize you're never going
to be really good at anything .... especially golf.

~Your husband is counting on you
to remember things you don't remember.

~The things you used to care to do,
you no longer care to do,
but you really do care that you
don't care to do them anymore.

~Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair
with the TV blaring than he does in bed.
It's called his "pre-sleep".

~Remember when your mother said
"Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"?
Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!

~You used to say,
"I hope my kids GET married ...
Now, "I hope they STAY married!"

~You miss the days when everything worked
with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..

~When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem ...
were unheard of, and a mouse was something
that made you climb on a table.

~You used to use more 4 letter words ...
"what?"..."when?"???

~Now that you can afford
expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

~Your husband has a night out with the guys
but he's home by 9:00 P.M. ...next week it will be 8:30 P.M.

~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.

~Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody whispers.

~Now that your husband has retired ...
you'd give anything if he'd find a job!

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ....
2 of which you will never wear.

~~~But old is good in some things:
old songs
old movies

And best of all OLD FRIENDS!!